Thousands Wait In Line For Apple’s New Turd In A Shoe
Tens of thousands Apple fans across the country waited in line for hours to purchase the company’s latest product, a turd in a shoe. In a stunning example of the mindless consumerism that grasps fans of the company, users snatched up every feces filled piece of footwear in every Apple store across the country within [...]
Taco Bell announced the new Quemador de Culo taco today. This new offering from America’s most popular source of intestinal distress is specifically designed to both block, and scorch the Anus. Taco Bell food scientists have been engineering this product for over three years according to inside sources. “This represents a significant departure for our [...]
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What’s hot for 2012? The now famous hairstyle of North Korea’s supreme dictator for life Kim Jong-Un has become the hot new hair style for urban youth. Called “The Un” – the leader’s trademark lid is in vogue for douchebags throughout the US. Kim Jong-Un took power over North Korea recently after his batshit-crazy jumpsuit-wearing [...]
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Tom Brady totally shut down uber-Christian Tebow’s Broncos, clinching a playoff berth with a 41-23 victory. Tim Tebow, a mouthy born-again type has credited Jesus Christ, Iesu Bar Ioseph of Nazareth, with most of his wins. What Tebow failed to take into consideration is that Jesus, considered the messiah by Christians, was actually a pious [...]
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Seems like everyone in Maine is busier than a four dollar Lisbon Street crack-whore. So what’s a busy Mainer to do to manage their time? Top time management tips for Maine residents
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I sure do miss old Grammie. We buried her last year. Of course she died in 2004, but we were havin’ so much fun with her corpse, it was hard to say goodbye. This dish, and painful anal fissures, always reminds me of her.
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Holy shit, it’s hotter than grannie’s crab infected crotch during a simultaneous yeast infection and herpes flare-up! But what are we Mainer’s supposed to do to cool down from this next-day Mexican-food Hershey-squirt like heat? Here are our top tips: 1. Insulate your core by putting on like 50-60 pounds of bodyfat 2. If you [...]
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It’s finally here – the end of the Harry Potter series. Last night at midnight, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part 2 opened in theaters across the country, and fans lined up eagerly to see it. The Maine Gazette got wicked ripped on Boone’s and climbed the fence at the drive-in to catch [...]
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Nature – so beautiful, you just want to make love to it. But just watch out for bee hives. Our dirt girlfriend is way worth protecting, so here are out top things you can do to help protect the environment. 1. Conserve paper (which comes from trees), wipe your ass on the curtains. 2. CO2 [...]
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Independence day is here, and all 4 of our readers wanted to know how to celebrate like a true patriot, so here’s our list of shit to do on July 4th to act like a true goddamned American. 1. Go punch a Canadian. 2. Give an F-you to big government and cede your yard back [...]
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