Broncos Crushing Defeat Proves Jesus Hates Christians

Tom Brady totally shut down uber-Christian Tebow’s Broncos, clinching a playoff berth with a 41-23 victory.

Stained glass at St John the Baptist's Anglica...

Jebus - Image via Wikipedia

Tim Tebow, a mouthy born-again type has credited Jesus Christ, Iesu Bar Ioseph of Nazareth, with most of his wins. What Tebow failed to take into consideration is that Jesus, considered the messiah by Christians, was actually a pious and observant first century Jew. Undoubtedly, Jesus would have been offended by a so-called follower nod adhering to Biblical Jewish law, such as keeping the sabbath from sundown on Friday, eating kosher, and stoning your neighbors to death for the smallest of offenses.

Further, in an interview with Time Magazine in 2007, God revealed he’s more of a cricket fan and doesn’t, “give a shit about American football,” an wishes, “everybody would leave him the fuck alone with this trivial bullshit,” as he has the multiverse to run.

“I keep friggin’ gravity working and shit and these sports a-holes want me to rig their games. Win your own damned games,” said the Lord of man.

Tebow fell to 7-2 as Denver’s starter.

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