LePage: Maine Paying Welfare to 6 Million Martians
PORTLAND, Maine — There are more Martians receiving welfare benefits from the state of Maine than there are people who live in the state, Republican Gov. Paul LePage said Saturday. But Democrats said LePage’s numbers are deceptive and perhaps batshit crazy. Restating his call to cut human services programs to save money, the governor said [...]
Governor LePage now claims mural removed because artist didn’t use non-toxic paint
September 28, 2011 No Comment
Augusta — After publicly claiming repeatedly that the Department of Labor mural he had removed was too one sided, then saying it was removed due to funding, Maine Governor Paul LePage has retroactively changed his mind once again. Despite the first amendment claims made by Attorney General William J. “Not too important to sport a [...]
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AUGUSTA — One day after high-end douchebag retailer and pedophiliac-catalog publisher Abercrombie & Fitch offered Mike “The Situation” Sorrentino from “Jersey Shore” a deal to stop wearing their clothes, high-end undie manufacturer Calvin Klein has offered a similar deal to Governor Paul Lepage.
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AUGUSTA — Governor Paul Lepage has joined Republican Governor Rick Perry of Texas in calling for August 6th as a day of prayer. Christian groups rejoiced at the news, until they read the actual proclamation signed by the Governor. The proclamation reads in part, “August 6th shall be a day set aside for prayer to [...]
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AUGUSTA – In a move which might surely confuse art critics, Governor Paul LePage has chosen a fresco of Mussolini to replace the mural removed from the Department of Labor earlier this year. In March, the Governor had the 11 panel mural removed in the dark of night, reportedly after receiving anonymous complaints from businesses [...]
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After several weeks of rain and fog, residents in the State of Maine are increasingly witnessing a large glowing ball of light in the sky during the time-frame once known colloquially as “the day.” “I have no clue what that is, but it burns us,” said Trahald Smeagol, a volunteer with the Mr. and Mrs. [...]
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AUGUSTA—In a strange show of political dexterity, Maine Governor Paul LePage kissed his own butt Monday afternoon at a Blaine House event to raise awareness for Maine’s troubling lack of useless public awareness campaigns. The governor, infamous for his “tell them they can kiss my butt” quip, directed at Maine members of the NAACP [...]
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AUGUSTA – The mystery may finally be over. In a tearful press conference, given at the University of Maine at Augusta, Maine Governor Paul LePage admitted why he hates the environment. His animus stems from an incident when, as a child at summer camp, LePage was touched inappropriate, fondled, and diddled by the environment. “It [...]
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