London — Rioters in the UK stormed the French Embassy today, reportedly over last weeks publication in French magazine Closer of topless photos of Kate, the Duchess of Cambridge. Nobody was apparently hurt, but the embassy is in flames, and rioters have replaced the French Flag with a Manchester United banner.
“This is just how things are done in the world today,” said Bill Evans, a local constable, “if one is offended, one is allowed to use violence against the country of origin of the offence [British spelling]“.
Rioters were stirred up by Sunday services held by the Church of England. Clerics reminded attendees that Kate, Duchess of Cambridge, is the wife of the future head of the Church of England. “This is an affront to our church, country, and sovereignty,” repeated Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury.
It’s not clear if rioters had any other motivation, but several signs held by protestors read, “The French are rude, and malodorous.”
Violence erupted throughout the Middle East last week, supposedly in response to the release of a very poorly made movie which was critical of the prophet Muhammad. This has set an International standard of decorum in which acts of free speech which are deemed offensive by any group can now be expected to meet with horrific violence and destruction of property of any country even remotely associated with the content of the speech.
An Italian magazine, owned by former prime minister Berlusconi is set to release even more nudie pix of the former Kate Middleton. Berlusconi, you might remember, is a breast aficionado, and is expected to weigh in heavily on the royal boobage.